


Respiratio

by AMidnightDreary



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Arc Reactor Angst, Arc Reactor Issues, Developing Relationship, Established Relationship, Fluff, Idiots in Love, Loki is a good boyfriend, M/M, Medical Inaccuracies, Pre-Slash, Tony Stark Has Trust Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-13
Updated: 2019-03-13
Packaged: 2019-11-16 13:22:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18095114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AMidnightDreary/pseuds/AMidnightDreary
Summary: Wherein Anthony is in constant pain because of thatthingin his chest, and Loki does not approve.





	Respiratio

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Rabentochter](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rabentochter/gifts).



> HAPPY BIRTHDAY SESIL, YOU WONDERFUL HUMAN BEING. 
> 
> That said, I think I told you about this when it was still a WIP? But that was ages ago, and I'm not sure if I actually dreamed that or something, so I don't know if you remember. But ANYWAY, I hope you like it! Have a lovely day! ❤❤❤
> 
> Also! All thanks go to Raven_Ehtar who did an AWESOME job beta'ing this!❤

It was their first real kiss.

Not the first kiss they shared, no, but the first that went beyond chaste pecks on the lips or close-mouthed caresses on cheeks and foreheads. It was the first kiss that held the promise of more, even though neither of them really intended to do more than just kissing tonight.

They were taking things slow, only making small steps at a time. Which was surprising, since neither of them were very patient – surprisingly wonderful, Loki found, and  _ good _ . He knew that Anthony was indulging him, taking more time than he usually would have, more time than he even wanted and needed, maybe, and that he was doing that for Loki's sake. Somehow, Anthony had much more confidence in this not entirely new but still fragile  _ thing _ between them than Loki had, and while he was close to treating Loki like a lover he'd had for many months or even years already, Loki was still hesitant. Still  _ scared _ , even. And Anthony knew that, even though Loki had never admitted it. They didn't talk about it, and Anthony didn't try to push for more or faster, just went along with whatever pace Loki so tentatively set for them.

He was trying to do everything right and, until this first kiss, he had dared to think that he'd managed quite well and wouldn't ruin this before it had even really started.

Which meant that, when Anthony suddenly pushed him away, quite some time after Loki had deepened the kiss, Loki was more confused than anything else. Hurt and bitterness were quick to come when Anthony turned away from him, though, and Loki's thoughts went running – trying to figure out what he had done wrong and find a way to fix it, to apologize and  _ do better. _

But then Anthony gasped his name, and Loki realized that the problem lay somewhere else and was much, much more frightening.

Anthony was wheezing, his eyes wide and almost panicked as he clawed at his shirt, and in that first moment, Loki had no idea what to do.

“Anthony?” he said, his voice too loud, almost hysterical, and moved closer to the human again, lifting his hands but not knowing what to do with them. “Anthony, what's wrong?”

Anthony shook his head, then tried to speak between ragged breaths that weren't breaths because he obviously  _ couldn't _ breathe. There was a curse somewhere there, but he didn't manage more than that or maybe Loki just didn't understand the rest, and then Anthony hammered his fist against his chest, once, twice, to no avail.

And finally, Loki reacted, still not knowing what was wrong but determined to fix it, anyway. He put his own hand on Anthony's chest, right above his human's heart, and sent a thread of magic into his body. It quickly figured out what the problem was, and even while Loki's eyes widened in shock, he hurried to shift the device in Anthony's chest until his air passages were open again. It was a simple task for his magic and soon Anthony was able to breathe again – or should be, technically. He didn't stop panting, though, so Loki acted again and used his magic to fill his lover's lungs with air, one hand on Anthony's chest and the other on his back, both moving in soothing circles.

“Anthony, you have to breathe,” Loki told him as calmly as he could. “You can, there's nothing blocking the way, but you have to breathe on your own now, do you hear me?”

Anthony nodded and did try to do as Loki said, but still didn't manage to breathe properly. So Loki took Anthony’s hand and put it on his own chest, hoping that the rhythm of Loki's breaths would give him something to be guided by. He continued talking, giving soft instructions and other reassuring words until Anthony's breathing finally evened out, just a little. By the time he took the first deep breath on his own, he was crying, and maybe that was what frightened Loki the most.

Anthony ended up sagging against Loki's chest, his face buried in the crook of the god's neck. Loki wrapped his arms around him and held him close while Anthony finally caught his breath. He ran his hands over the engineer's back and kept whispering gentle words into his hair, relief flooding  his body.

“'m sorry,” Anthony said eventually, his voice quiet and muffled by Loki's tunic.

Loki pressed his lips to the human's forehead. “You have nothing to be sorry for, darling.”

Anthony's laugh, probably caused by the endearment, was brief and wet and only slightly bitter. “I ruined our kiss.”

“You couldn't breathe,” Loki told him softly. “I think that is a good excuse.”

Anthony let out a harsh breath, and Loki half expected him to pull away, but Anthony surprised him by pressing even closer against him. It made Loki smile a little, despite everything.

“Do you feel better now?”

“Fine,” Anthony replied, his tone dismissive. “Happens sometimes. No big deal.”

Loki frowned and put his hands on Anthony's shoulders, gently pushing him away until he could look at him. “You couldn't breathe,” he repeated, more urgently this time. He knew better than to bring his hands near Anthony's chest when it wasn't necessary, but he still glanced down to where the round device was embedded in the human's rib cage.

Anthony sighed and pulled away completely now, putting some place between Loki and himself. His eyes were starting to close off, and there was a strain to his mouth that Loki easily recognized as frustration.

“It's no big deal,” Anthony said again, trying to shrug the whole ordeal off.

“No? Then what would you have done if I hadn't been here?”

Anthony glared at him. “I would've been okay after a while,” he said, his tone almost sharp enough to make Loki wince. “This shit happens often enough, I know how to handle it.”

He looked away, back to the screen where the long forgotten movie they'd been watching was still running. Loki didn't like the way Anthony's whole body had tensed, didn't like seeing him so defensive, as if he considered  _ Loki _ a threat to him. He knew that he'd given Anthony more than enough reasons to see him like that, of course, but he'd still thought that Anthony had come to trust him by now, at least a little. Loki tried not to be hurt by his behaviour, knowing that talking about the thing in his chest wasn't easy for Anthony. When Loki had first noticed and asked about it, Anthony had refused to tell him anything more than that it needed to be there and he didn't want it to be touched by anyone except himself.

“You never told me what your device is for,” Loki said after a while. He allowed his voice to sound as hesitant as he felt, hoping that Anthony would know that he asked more out of concern than mere curiosity.

“No, because it's none of your business,” was all Anthony said. He didn't even look at him.

Loki tried not be hurt by that, too, and failed. He averted his eyes, staring unseeingly at the television just like Anthony did. The silence was loaded, and Loki didn't manage to stay quiet for longer than a few minutes.

“You should at least tell me what I can do to prevent something like that from happening again.”

“There's nothing you can do,” Anthony said flatly. “Just forget about it.” His hand came up to his chest like it often did, as if to shield his device from a possible threat. “And I don't want you to mess with it again.”

“I didn't mess with it,” Loki said instantly, sharper than intended. “I just moved it so -”

“I don't care, I just don't want your magic anywhere near it again.”

Loki had sat up straight by now and stared at Anthony, who still refused to look at him. “What would you have me do next time, then? Just sit there and watch you suffocate?”

“You don't even know what the reactor is for,” Anthony shot back. “So if you don't want to kill me by accident, keep your hands and fucking magic away from it, okay?”

“Then  _ tell me _ what it is for, maybe I can help to -”

“I don't need your damn help! Okay? I just - I just want you to leave this  _ alone _ , because it's none of your fucking business!”

Loki didn't know what to say for just a moment too long, giving Anthony the chance to put an end to the conversation.. He stood up and stormed off, and even though Loki called after him, Anthony didn't look back at him.

 

○

 

Loki stayed in Anthony's penthouse a while longer, hoping he might come back. Of course he didn't, so Loki eventually retreated to his own floor and asked JARVIS to check up on his creator every once in a while. He didn't try to talk to Anthony himself, knowing that would only make matters worse. This wasn't the first fight they'd had, after all. But most of the earlier ones had taken place before they had been  _ together _ , and even though there had been unusually little shouting involved this time, it somehow felt more important than the other ones.

Which caused Loki to believe that he had finally managed to ruin everything. And he hadn't even done anything  _ wrong _ this time, which was something like a new feat. Well, at least he believed that he hadn't done anything wrong – for once in his life, he had just wanted to help. Using his magic had been the only possibility he'd seen; that had always been his first instinct when anything went wrong. He should have known that Anthony wouldn't like that, but one would think that having a little bit of magic in one's chest would be preferable to asphyxiating.

Anthony came to find Loki the next morning. As far as the mage knew, Anthony had spent the entire night in his workshop. He looked like he had when he hesitantly entered Loki's floor; oil on his clothes and hands, his hair messy, bags under his bloodshot eyes. He reeked a little, and Loki had to suppress a sigh as he watched the human approach him. He himself hadn't slept much last night, either, but at least he had showered and changed.

Anthony stopped in front of the sofa where Loki was sitting and reading one of his magical tomes. Loki ignored him a little, just because he could, and eventually Anthony spoke up.

“I, uh. I came to say that I'm sorry?”

Loki looked up from his book, meeting Anthony's nervous gaze. “Oh?”

Anthony shoved his hands into his pockets, shuffling his feet a little. “You're gonna make this hard for me, huh?”

“No.” Loki looked back down and turned a page. “I'd just prefer an apology without a question mark.”

“Fine,” Anthony said, sighing. “I really am sorry. I know you just – that you just wanted to help, and I appreciate that, I do, but I had kind of nearly died just moments ago and was still freaking out a bit, so I acted like an idiot and -”

“Anthony.”

The human ceased his rambling, his mouth snapping and staying shut for a moment. Then, “Yeah?”

“It's fine.”

Anthony blinked. “It is?”

“Yes,” Loki said, closing his book and putting it on the table. He still fiddled around with its cover a little, a little nervous himself. “I'm not angry. And if you can forgive me for -”

“You didn't do anything wrong,” Anthony cut in at once.

“If you can forgive me for invading your privacy,” Loki said a little bit more pointedly, “I assume we will be fine.”

Anthony sat down next to him – not as close to him as he would usually, but not exactly far away, either. “You didn't do anything wrong,” he repeated, softer this time. “You were right, you really should know what... well, what triggered that. And everything else about it, too. It's just difficult to talk about, for me.”

“I know that, and I understand,” Loki said, nodding slowly. “And I do not want you to share these things if you are not comfortable sharing them with me.”

“It has nothing to do with you. I don't like talking about this to anyone, so it's not – it's not like I don't trust you or anything. Because I do. Trust you, I mean.”

Loki looked at him, finding nothing but sincerity in his eyes, and eventually let out a relieved breath. “Good. Thank you.”

Anthony chuckled a little and bumped Loki's shoulder with his own. “All thanks go to you here, Bambi. You saved my ass, and I'm glad you were there.”

Loki's narrowing eyes flickered down to Anthony's chest. “But you are alright now, aren't you?”

“Yeah,” Anthony said, but it sounded a bit hesitant. He rubbed against his chest, almost as if he could feel Loki's gaze there. The god looked away again, and Anthony hurried to add, “Really, I'm fine. As I said, happens sometimes. It was just, uh, worse than usual. And really bad timing.”

Loki nodded again, keeping himself from asking one of the at least dozen questions he'd like to know the answers to. “I am sorry for using my magic to help you,” he said instead. “I didn't know what else to do.”

“It's okay,” Anthony said, shrugging. “You were great. I'm just not sure how it reacts to magic, you know, so... maybe not do that again. Unless I'm choking like that and nothing else works, then it's fine, I guess.”

“Alright,” Loki said lightly; that was something he could easily agree to. He wouldn't touch Anthony's device – the  _ reactor _ , as he'd called it – outside of an emergency, anyway, neither by hand nor magic.

Anthony didn't say anything else and didn't really meet Loki's eyes, either. Loki suspected the atmosphere would be a little bit strained for a while longer, but that was something he could handle.

“Do you know how I became Iron Man?” Anthony asked suddenly, making Loki's eyes focus on him again. Anthony returned his gaze, brows drawn together in a mild frown; he looked unusually uncertain.

“I merely know what Barton told me.”

“Right.” Anthony nodded, and if the reminder of the invasion made him uncomfortable, he didn't show it. “Well, SHIELD doesn't know everything. So, what did he tell you?”

“That you were abducted and built your first suit in captivity. He mentioned something about what came after and your company as well, but...” Loki inclined his head a little. “I do not remember all of that.”

“Okay.” Anthony hesitated, but after a moment he seemed to pull himself together and said, “My company used to make weapons, before the whole abduction thing. I was on a business trip in Afghanistan, and a group of terrorists thought it was a nice idea to crash our party and throw me into a cave. Wanted me to make weapons for them.” He cleared his throat, one hand reaching out to fiddle around with the laces of Loki's tunic. “I refused, of course, and there was some torturing involved, but anyway, that doesn't have to do anything with this, really. The thing in my chest, it's called an arc reactor.”

He glanced up at Loki, but he just waited for Anthony to continue, which he eventually did.

“In the chaos of the attack, one of my bombs exploded, like, pretty much right into my face. There's still some of it in my my chest, I don't know how many pieces of shrapnel,” he let go of Loki's tunic and tapped his chest, “right here. The arc reactor powers an electromagnet. Keeps the shrapnel from reaching my heart and, you know.”

Loki swallowed. “You need it to survive?”

“Yeah.”

“Is there no way your healers could... remove the shrapnel?”

“Sure, but it's risky.” Anthony grinned crookedly. “Besides, the reactor also keeps the suit running, so... I need it. It's fine.”

Loki didn't agree, but he decided that was a conversation for another day. “So, the reactor, it's an invention of yours?”

“Oh, yeah. It's all clean energy. A big one powers this whole tower.”

“I see,” Loki said. He hesitated a little before adding, “Did you implant it yourself?”

“No.” Anthony smiled, and it was a sad little thing. “There was this guy, a doctor – Yinsen. He helped me. Saved my life, actually.”

Something about his tone made Loki frown. “Is he -”

“He didn't make it.”

“I'm sorry,” was all Loki could offer, and Anthony accepted it with a curt nod. He didn't say anything else, and Loki suspected that the story was more or less over. “Thank you for telling me.”

They sat in silence for a while, not really looking at each other but not really looking  _ away _ from each other, either.

Eventually, Loki asked, “Does it hurt?”

Anthony glanced at him, then shrugged. “It's bearable.” In reaction to Loki's discontent expression, Anthony smiled and added, “I'm used to it by now, and it's fine. It's not really  _ pain _ , anyway, not anymore. There's just a sort of pressure that never goes away.” Anthony swallowed visibly, seemingly unsure what he wanted to say. As soon as he opened his mouth the words came almost too quickly, though. “It just hurts when the reactor gets moved somehow. Which happens a lot during fighting and training. Sneezing and coughing hurts a little. Laughing, too. And, uh, my lungs don't have enough capacity? So I tend to get out of breath more quickly than I'd like, and now and then there's too much pressure on my chest or I make a wrong move and the reactor sort of blocks my airway and, yeah, you saw what happens then.” Anthony paused, the look in his eyes pensive, but he continued after a split second. “I can't lie on my back for longer than a few minutes because it presses down, you know, and the blue light is goddamn annoying sometimes. Also, the reactor's kinda cold, so I'm always freezing. And the skin around it itches and burns a little. But it's alright, so don't worry. ”

Loki stared at him.

“Loki?”

Loki blinked and slowly shook his head.

“Are you alright?”

Loki forced himself to swallow and form words, shaking his head again to clear his thoughts. “Is there anything I can do?”

Anthony thought about it for a while, then said, “Not really, no. Maybe don't throw yourself on my chest with all your five hundred pounds.”

Nodding, Loki swore to himself to never put  _ any pressure at all _ on Anthony's chest. He was still lost in thoughts, trying to process everything Anthony had said, when the human spoke up again.

“Can we like, hug or something?”

Loki couldn't help but smile. “Or something?”

The teasing tone earned him a glare. “Yeah,  _ or something.  _ Just so I know we really made up.”

“Come here, then,” Loki said and seconds later his arms were wrapped around his human, who buried his face in Loki's shoulder and held him close in return. Anthony positively melted into him, and they just stayed as they were for a long time.

“Loki?”

“Hmm?”

“I'm really glad you were there. Suffocating sucks.”

“I know,” Loki said, rubbing Anthony's back. “I will never let you die because something as ridiculous as lack of oxygen, however, so don't fret.”

Anthony snorted, the sound coming out muffled. “It'll happen again, though.”

“I'll be there,” Loki promised, and Anthony relaxed a little more into the embrace.

Loki could feel the arc reactor pressing into his chest.

 

○

 

“Would you like to stop?” Loki asked for the third time, and just like the first two times, Anthony looked at him as if he'd lost his mind.

“What? No, I'm fine. C'mon, keep going.”

Loki clenched his jaw when he heard how breathless Anthony sounded. While he dodged or parried Anthony's blows and tried to land his own hits, he wondered how he had never noticed before how quickly his human ran out of breath. Well, in fact he  _ had _ noticed it, but he just hadn't thought much of it. Apart from Anthony, the only “regular” humans Loki sparred with on occasion were Natasha and Barton, and they were both trained assassins. Of course their bodies were more suited to fighting than Anthony's, and since Anthony wasn't that young for a human anymore, Loki had thought that a little short-windedness was normal.

Now he knew better, though, and after almost forty minutes of hand to hand combat, he was starting to actually get worried. He never used all of his strength when he trained with the humans, but he never handled them with kid gloves, either. Now he was afraid that every move of his could trigger another problem with the reactor, which led to his hits lacking their usual strength and ambition. He was sure Anthony had noticed that already, but it seemed like it only urged him on. There was a determined, hard glint in his eyes that Loki found alarming.

It was a halfhearted kick that made Anthony stagger, and Loki held his own breath when the human coughed a bit. He'd taken care not to aim his kicks and hits at Anthony's chest, but he knew that direct pressure on the casing of the reactor wasn't needed to set off an attack, anyway. After all, there had been no direct pressure on it when they had kissed either.

“I'm fine,” Anthony said firmly when he caught Loki staring. He was already getting back into fighting position, but Loki had had enough; he shook his head.

“I'd like to take a break, actually. Maybe we could -”

“Loki, don't bullshit me. You don't need a break.”

“I didn't say I needed one, did I? I  _ would like _ one. So if you -”

Anthony tried to punch him, and if Loki had been a human, he would have succeeded. But as it was, Loki just caught his lover's arm in midair and, in a brief flash of frustration, saw to it that Anthony would stop being so  _ stubborn _ by putting the human on his back with just a few practiced moves.

“You see,” he hissed then, “if your sparring partner demands a break,  _ no matter _ for what reason, you  _ stop fighting _ . Anything else is just rude.”

“Yeah right, because your fighting style is  _ so _ polite,” Anthony gritted out, glaring at the ceiling. He was breathing heavily. “I don’t need a fucking break, and I don’t need you ordering me around.”

“Forgive me for looking out for you, I would not need to if you weren’t so  _ incapable _ of doing it yourself. Now stay where you are and catch your breath, we can continue when you are ready.”

“I  _ am _ ready.”

Another sharp look from Loki made Anthony clench his teeth. He was obviously angry, but he did shut up and stayed on the ground. Loki sat down next to him and summoned Anthony’s water bottle into his hand. He put it into Anthony’s lap after the human had sat up, and thankfully Anthony drank without any more protest. While his lover was busy catching his breath and pouting, Loki pulled the tie out of his hair and twisted it into a new, tidier bun. Then he procured his own bottle from the bench on the side of the training room and took a few sips himself, only to make it seem like he was glad to take a small break, too.

“Look,” Anthony said suddenly, “I get that you’re worried, I really do. But if you continue treating me like this, I’m going to lose my mind.”

“I’m not treating you any differently.”

Anthony didn’t look at him. “You  _ are _ , and I’m sick of it. I’ve been living with the reactor for more than five years now, okay? I survived everything that happened since then with it in my chest. I don’t need anyone treating me like I’m a damn invalid, especially not you.”

Loki took a breath, trying not to get upset about this. He didn’t want  _ Anthony _ to be upset, and he got where he was coming from, but he couldn’t just forget what he had told him about the reactor. Anthony was fragile just because he was a human, that was already enough to have Loki in an almost constant state of worry, and the problem with the reactor didn’t do anything to soothe his concern.

“I do not think that you are an invalid,” Loki said eventually. “I just don’t want you to hurt.”

“I’m not hurting.”

“You literally told me that you were hurting  _ constantly. _ ”

“I’m used to it, then,” Anthony corrected himself, rolling his eyes. “I can handle it, okay?”

“You shouldn't have to,” Loki said. “If you would just let me take a proper look at it, maybe I could -”

“ _ No _ , Loki.”

Loki pressed his lips together and nodded; he had already expected that answer. And even though he should be used to not being deemed trustworthy, or not trustworthy  _ enough _ , it still hurt a little.

“That doesn’t have anything to do with  _ you _ , okay?” Anthony’s voice was softer now, which made Loki look at him again. Anthony met his eyes and even smiled a little, giving an apologetic shrug. “It’s nothing personal. Just - just two other people touched it, and one of them pulled it out of my chest to kill me, so I -”

“Who was that?” Loki interrupted, sharper than intended. Anthony didn’t seem bothered by that; he just snorted.

“His name was Obadiah Stane, and he was an asshole. He’s dead.”

“Good,” Loki said, and his satisfied tone made Anthony huff a brief laugh. 

“Yeah, I guess.”

“Did you kill him?”

He shook his head. “Pepper did, actually. Well, she hit a button that made things blow up, at least, and he died in in the explosion.”

“I see.”

“It doesn’t matter anymore,” Anthony said firmly. “I’m fine, okay? I don’t want you to bother your pretty head about this.”

“I’ll try,” Loki replied, then smirked. “Pretty, hm?”

“Don’t fish for compliments.”

“I would never.”

Anthony seemed to hesitate for a moment, but then he got onto his knees and leaned in to kiss Loki. Loki smiled into it, his hand finding its way to the back of Anthony’s neck to keep him close. It was Anthony who coaxed Loki’s lips open with a few clever flicks of his tongue, and Loki welcomed the deepening of the kiss only too gladly. He also didn’t object when Anthony climbed into his lap after a while, and if Loki forgot all about sparring for the sake of making out, well. Who could blame him?

 

○

 

Loki opened the door with magic because neither of them could be bothered to find and use the handle. Anthony, whom Loki had pinned against the door, toppled over backwards when it suddenly creaked open, which caused Loki to stumble too since they were sort of entangled with each other. Somehow they managed to catch their balance and not land on the bedroom floor, though Loki thought that they wouldn’t have particularly cared even if they had fallen. 

Anthony laughed into the kiss; Loki could  _ feel _ his lips stretching into that bright grin he so adored and couldn’t help but jon the chuckling, even though that made kissing a bit more difficult. Anthony’s hands were pulling at Loki’s shirt, the warmth of them seeping into his body, and he gladly obliged when the human began to maneuver them to the bed, stumbling backwards in its rough direction. Soon the backs of Anthony’s knees  hit the edge of the bed and he fell over, pulling Loki down with him. He gasped when Loki landed on top of him but didn’t allow him to break away, instead surging up to capture the god’s lips again. Loki groaned when he felt hands tugging at his hair, and not for the first time this night he had the thought that  _ stopping _ was becoming more and more difficult.

They had been out for the evening for dinner and then for a few drinks, but neither of them had had enough to be actually drunk, not even really tipsy. It had been wonderful, as all time spent with Anthony was, and Loki hadn’t missed that they both seemed to have trouble keeping their hands to themselves. They’d begun kissing in the car back home - Happy had been  _ very _ focused on the traffic, bless him - and continued as soon as they had been in the elevator, which had somehow led to them making out in Loki’s bed. Which was, yes. Definitely wonderful. Loki wasn’t able to think all too clearly anymore, too distracted by Anthony’s eyes and hands and mouth and now even his body beneath Loki’s own, warm and strong; Loki believed that he might be losing his mind.

He couldn’t bring himself to care about that, though, not when Anthony rolled them over and straddled Loki’s hips, grinning down at him in the dirtiest and  _ sweetest _ of ways when Loki moaned in reaction to the pressure against his groin. Anthony waggled his brows at him, causing Loki to laugh as he reached out to pull the human down to him again.

“Tease,” he whispered with a grin of his own, his voice only  _ slightly _ hoarse.

“Right back at you, dear.” Anthony kissed him briefly, his hands wandering over Loki’s chest. “You shouldn’t be allowed to wear shirts like this.”

“Oh? Why not?”

“Too tight. Makes it ridiculously hard.”

“To think?”

“That too, yes.”

Loki burst out giggling, though that quickly turned into gasping when Anthony’s mouth wandered along his jaw and nibbled at his skin. “That was de - ah -  _ definitely _ one of the most awful things I’ve heard you say so far.”

“Only one of them?” Anthony asked, lifting his head to look at Loki again. His eyes were glinting and he was still laughing a little, too. “I gotta try harder, then.”

“Please don’t.”

Anthony snorted another laugh, then kissed Loki again. It was soft and slow in the beginning, but quickly turned messier when Loki wrapped his arms around Anthony and opened his mouth, getting the human to do the same within seconds. Anthony’s breath was hot and fast and good against Loki’s lips, his tongue  _ wicked _ , and he could and would have done this for eternities if Anthony hadn’t turned his face away after a while, breathing heavily.

“Fine,” he said before Loki could even ask. “Just need to - take a breath.”

Loki didn’t say anything, just smiled and nodded; by now he was used to Anthony needing a break after a few minutes of kissing. He stroked up and down his love’s sides and pressed his lips to his jaw, making Anthony smile again.

“‘Kay,” he said, looking at Loki properly again. He shifted, rolling his hips a little bit more than necessary - and still not enough, as far as Loki was concerned - and putting his hands on both sides of Loki’s head. He smiled down at him. “I don’t want to wait anymore.”

Loki swallowed; he knew exactly what Anthony meant, of course. They were together for a few months now, Loki was aware that Anthony was getting a bit impatient, and it wasn’t like he couldn’t perfectly understand that sentiment. Anthony hadn’t been pressuring him, not at all - according to him, Loki was just “wired a bit differently, which is totally fine,” which had told Loki rather clearly that Anthony had been ready for this for a long time already, but didn’t really mind waiting if that was what Loki wanted. He’d let Loki set the pace, and he would let him decide this time too, so that was what Loki did; he decided.

“Me neither,” he told Anthony, returning his smile.

His rewards were a bright and lovely grin and another kiss. When Anthony pulled back again after quite a while, he tugged at Loki’s shirt.

“Can we take this off?”

Loki nodded immediately and propped himself up on his elbows to watch when Anthony began to open Loki's dress shirt. He was deeply focused on his task, or rather on the pale skin he revealed from button to button. He forgot about undressing Loki when about half of the buttons were opened, and began touching his chest instead, making a pleased sound when Loki shivered under his fingertips. After a while he looked at Loki again, his eyes already dark, and leaned down to bring his face close to Loki's.

“You're gorgeous,” he said quietly, lips forming something between a smile and a leer.

Loki didn't know what to say in response, so he just kissed Anthony again. The human moaned, which was the loveliest sound Loki had ever heard. His hands dug into Anthony's sides, fabric wrinkling up under his touch, and when his fingertips brushed against warm skin, getting rid of their clothes suddenly seemed even more appealing. 

He wasn't sure how, exactly, but somehow Loki managed to sit up without breaking their kiss, Anthony still perched in his lap. He shrugged his shirt off and threw it into some corner of the room, relishing the low and appreciative sound Anthony made in reaction. Loki pulled away a bit to look at his lover when his fingers found the hem of Anthony's shirt.

Anthony smiled at him lazily, his pupils blown wide and his face flushed. He was panting  a little, but not in a way that struck Loki as worrying, and so he dared to close in and steal Anthony's breath again with a brief kiss.

“May I?” he asked then, murmuring the words against Anthony's lips, and he could feel the other man smile.

“Sure.”

Anthony leaned back, just enough for Loki to pull his shirt over his head and toss it aside. The reactor cast everything into blue light, and just like that Anthony, with his messy hair and crooked grin and glinting eyes, became the most beautiful thing Loki had ever seen. Anthony's hands wandered up his chest until they came to rest at both sides of his neck, fingers playing with the curls that fell down to his shoulders. His smile changed from crooked into soft and Loki wanted to kiss him again, but then Anthony's hands moved again and, without warning, ruffled Loki's hair.

Loki squeezed his eyes shut for a second, then had to peer past the strands that were now falling into his eyes to look at Anthony. The only word that seemed like a reasonable thing to say at the moment was, “Why?”

Anthony was already laughing at him, even as he brushed Loki's hair out of his face and started running his fingers through it. He shrugged. “I like it when it's messy. Looks adorable.”

“Adorable _. _ ”

“Yes.”

“I'll show you  _ adorable _ ,” Loki promised, ignoring Anthony's laugh when he flipped them over again. Actually, he made Anthony  _ stop _ laughing by kissing him again, tongue sliding against his lips in a way that quickly had the human arching up against him. Loki let himself be pulled between Anthony's legs but kept supporting himself with his hands on the mattress, careful not to crush his lover with his weight. Anthony kept trying to pull him down, his hands firmly buried in Loki's hair as they kissed - and kissed and kissed, because somehow they couldn't seem to stop. Only they had to all too soon because Anthony's breaths began to sound alarming again in Loki's ears. Reluctantly he let go of Anthony's lips and began mouthing at his neck and throat again, which was, judging by the sounds Anthony made, a good alternative.

It didn't take that long until Loki rocked back on his heels so his mouth could wander lower, nibbling on Anthony's collar bone - which seemed to be a sensitive spot, interesting - for a moment before paying long overdue attention to his nipples. Anthony writhed beneath his mouth and hands, saying Loki's name and even huffing a breathless laugh now and then, and it was good, was  _ perfect _ until -

“Loki, hey, can we - Sorry, I'm not -” 

Anthony was interrupted by a gasp that didn't sound like a  _ good _ kind of gasp at all, and Loki looked up and saw that Anthony was wheezing again. He immediately sat up und pulled Anthony up with him, remembered what Anthony had said -  _ I can't lie on my back for longer than a few minutes because  _ \- and cursing himself for not remembering it  _ sooner _ because by the Nine, he should have! And now Anthony was coughing, and Loki couldn't do anything but kneel next to him on the bed and rub his back until Anthony was able to breathe again. It wasn't as bad as it had been the first time Loki had witnessed it, but it still hurt to watch, even when Anthony attempted to smile at him again.

“Sorry,” he said, still a bit breathless. “Bad timing again. Fine now, just - wasn't getting enough air for a second there. Not your fault.”

“I'm sorry, I should have -”

“Not your fault, Loki.”

Loki bit his tongue to stop himself from arguing. He ran his fingers through Anthony's hair, trying to get a good look at his face. “Are you alright?”

“Yes, I'm fine,” Anthony said, his voice firmer now. “Come here.”

Loki had scrambled away a bit to give Anthony room to breathe, but now the human moved closer again to kiss him. And Loki tried to relax, he did, but Anthony was still not breathing right and he couldn't just pretend nothing had happened when it  _ worried _ him so much. He turned his face away, breaking the kiss, and tried not to flinch at the frustrated noise his lover made. Anthony let his forehead fall down to Loki's shoulder and sagged against the god, who sighed softly and wrapped his arms around him, only a bit hesitant.

“Fuck,” Anthony muttered. “Sorry this keeps happening.”

“You don't have to apologize,” Loki answered quietly.

“The mood's ruined now, though.”

“Maybe a little, yes.” Loki kissed the top of Anthony's head, making himself smile even though Anthony couldn't even see it. “It's fine.”

Anthony sighed, and after a moment pulled away, sitting back on his heels. His fingers were slowly tapping against the reactor, but Loki doubted that Anthony was aware of that.

“Do you still want to stay?” Anthony asked into the slightly strained silence, only just meeting Loki's eyes. “I mean, we don't have to try again if you don't want to, just - you could stay.”

“This is my bedroom, you know.”

“Right. Well, then -”

“ _ You _ could stay.”

A hesitant grin appeared on Anthony's face. “I guess I could. I want cuddles, though.”

“I think that is a price I could pay,” Loki said, returning the grin. 

“Okay, I'll just, uh, go and pee, then the cuddling can start.”

“By all means.”

Anthony made no move to leave the bed for a moment, but then he leaned forward to press his lips against Loki's, just briefly. It felt like another unnecessary apology, and because of that Loki pulled Anthony close again when he did try to get up. Anthony smiled into the soft, but firm kiss that followed, and Loki hoped that he was at least somewhat convinced that Loki wasn't mad at him.

After Anthony had disappeared into the bathroom, Loki got up and changed into more comfortable pants. He also laid out a pair for Anthony, smiling at the thought that they would be far too long for him. Loki briefly wondered where he had left his shoes, then remembered that they had got rid of them somewhere on the way to his bedroom. He would look for them tomorrow. For now, he just took off his socks and got back into bed, looking up when the door to the bathroom opened and Anthony slipped back into the room. He smiled as soon as he saw Loki on the bed, and just stopped when he spotted the pants.

“For me?”

“No, I intend to have another guest tonight,” Loki said, then grinned. “Someone with longer legs.”

“Asshole,” was Anthony's comment to that, and a second later Loki had a sock thrown into his face. He just laughed and tossed it aside, then distracted himself by arranging the blanket in a comfortable position while Anthony changed.

Anthony crawled back into bed and leaned over Loki to press his lips to the god's forehead - it made Loki smile - before he laid down next to him. He shifted and wriggled around for what felt like minutes while Loki looked down at him with his hands in the air and couldn't quite keep from laughing.

“Comfortable?” he asked when Anthony eventually settled down, tucked against Loki's side.

“Yes,” Anthony said, putting an arm loosely around Loki and resting his head on his shoulder. 

“You will not have trouble breathing like this?”

“Don't worry.”

Which was not a clear  _ no _ , but Loki accepted it anyway and let his head fall into the pillows. After a moment Anthony moved again, tugging at Loki's arms until they were wrapped around him. Loki chuckled at his lover’s antics and closed his eyes. He wasn’t actually tired, but he was comfortable and  _ happy _ that Anthony wanted to stay even though their attempt at sex could have gone better. It wouldn’t be the first time they slept next to each other - they had fallen asleep while watching movies often enough - but the first night spent together in a bed, and Loki found himself giddy in a way that told him that sleep wouldn’t come that easily. He listened to Anthony’s breaths that were - thankfully - slow and even at the moment and eventually believed that Anthony was already asleep, when his quiet voice suddenly broke the silence.

“Hey, Loki?”

“Hm?”

“I, uh. I’d probably have to be on top?”

Loki opened his eyes and frowned at the ceiling. “Pardon?”

Anthony sighed, the brief rush of breath warm against Loki’s bare skin. “If you even want to try again, that is. I know it’s not exactly a turn on, the whole… reactor thing.” Loki didn’t even get a chance to say anything, Anthony paused only for a split second. “I mean, I don’t know what exactly you imagined, we never talked about - you know, whether you want to fuck me or the other way around, or if you’d be more comfortable if we didn’t do that at all - I know Asgard’s weird with that, so - anyway, what I’m trying to say is if we don’t want me asphyxiating in the middle of something which is unlikely but not impossible it would be good if we -”

“How can you even talk this fast in the middle of the night?”

“What?”

“It’s astounding.”

“I’m a man of many talents.”

Loki chuckled softly and rolled onto his side, shifting until they could look at each other, their noses almost touching. Anthony’s eyes seemed uncertain in the light of the reactor, and Loki smiled. 

“First of all,” he said, “Of course I would like to try again. Very much so.”

“But earlier you -”

“Wanted to stop because the thought of you asphyxiating in the middle of  _ something _ is indeed not a turn on, as you said. The reactor itself doesn’t bother me.”

“Well, the scars aren’t exactly pretty.”

“It doesn’t bother me,” Loki repeated firmly. Anthony didn’t look convinced, so Loki took his hand and led it to his own side, where the thick tissue of scars disrupted the otherwise smooth skin; the remains of a wound that had been too grave to fully disappear. “This is not exactly pretty, either.”

Anthony’s eyes were focused on their hands resting on Loki’s side. “Is this from when you, uh. Died?”

“Yes. Does it bother you?”

Anthony looked at him again, smiling a little. “Of course not.”

“Good.” Loki returned his smile.

“There’s still the asphyxiating, though,” Anthony said after a moment.

“ _ That _ does bother me,” Loki agreed, his tone making Anthony laugh. He moved closer for a kiss, then murmured against Anthony’s lips, “However, I can still think of numerous lovely things to do with you on top, so I think we will be fine.”

And just like that Anthony was grinning again. “You know, I think on all fours could work, too.”

The image was enough to make Loki’s brain stop working for a brief moment, and when Anthony laughed at him Loki smothered it with a kiss. He couldn’t stifle his groan when Anthony’s tongue found his. Loki wanted to pin him down on the bed, but instead he pulled Anthony on top of him. Anthony flashed him a grin, making himself comfortable in his lap, and when his mouth wandered down the god’s body, Loki quickly forgot about everything else.

 

○

 

“You’re a good boyfriend, Loki.”

“What did you just call me?”

“Uh. Boyfriend?”

“That term is ridiculous.”

“Good night, boyfriend.”

 

○

 

Anthony was a very restless sleeper.

 

○

 

Months later, they were in Anthony’s bedroom. It was late in the morning but they were still in bed, both dressed in comfortable clothes. Anthony had gotten rid of his shirt a few minutes ago and was now lying on his back, looking at the ceiling with his jaw clenched.

“Are you sure?” Loki asked not for the first time. He was sitting cross-legged next to his lover, watching his face with concern.

“You’ve been wanting to do this for ages,” Anthony said.

“This is not about me, love.”

Anthony sighed, eyes flickering to Loki for a moment before they focused on the ceiling again. “Yes, I’m sure. I trust you.”

Loki smiled and took Anthony’s hand, lifting it to his lips to kiss the knuckles. “Thank you.”

Anthony smiled as well, though it was only faint and brief. Loki let go of his hand again and put his own on Anthony’s stomach, feeling how the muscles twitched under his touch. He let a thin thread of magic seep into his lover’s body, causing Anthony to suck in a breath in surprise. But his muscles relaxed, soothed by the warmth of Loki’s magic.

“This is all you will feel,” Loki said calmly. “Is that alright?”

“It’s nice,” Anthony replied, nodding. “Warm. You should do that more often.”

Loki ducked his head a little, trying to hide his pleased smile and blushing cheeks. His magic positively rejoiced at the compliment. “Whenever you want,” he said, then took his hand and magic away again to prepare himself.

He had touched the reactor a few times before. It had been Anthony’s idea, because he was tired of “freaking out” every time Loki accidentally touched it during sex or cuddling, and while he still didn’t particularly  _ like _ it when Loki touched it, he was more or less alright with it by now. Loki had even helped him exchange the casing of the device when Anthony had designed a better one a few weeks ago, and even though the experience of putting his hand inside of his lover’s chest was not something Loki would like to repeat, he was ridiculously happy about being trusted so much. It had also made him dare to suggest this again. Anthony had agreed after a few days of thinking about it, but the thought of having Loki’s magic near the reactor still set him on edge. He’d assured Loki that it wasn’t because he didn’t trust him or his magic, but because he didn’t know how his device would react to it, and Loki believed him. He had promised to be very careful, and since he would rather meet up with Odin for tea once a week than harm Anthony, he took a long moment to concentrate before he put his hand on Anthony’s chest.

“Ready?” he asked softly, and Anthony nodded.

Loki closed his eyes when he let his magic sink into Anthony’s body. He was no healer, but this was one of the simplest healing spells. His magic did most of the work on its own, remembering the many, many times it had been in another person’s (mostly Thor’s) body to look for injuries. It was curious about the reactor, but Loki pulled it away from it whenever it tried to examine the device.

“It is a wonder that you can breathe at all with this in your chest,” Loki said absently after a while, still concentrating on his task. Anthony huffed a nervous laugh but didn’t say anything, but he wasn’t breathing raggedly or fisting the sheets or anything, so Loki thought that it was going unexpectedly well.

“There are six - no, seven pieces of shrapnel,” Loki announced eventually, keeping his voice soft. “Four of them are rather small, the other three are bigger.” He let his finger wander over Anthony’s chest, pointing at seven different spots. “Here, this one is alarmingly close to your heart.”

Anthony had lifted his head to watch. “One of the big ones?”

“No.” Loki frowned. “But I can’t say how quickly it would reach your heart without the magnet. I think it would not need much time.”

“Yeah, well,” Anthony said, smiling crookedly. “That’s not anything new.”

“I could remove them.”

Anthony blinked at him. “What?”

“I could remove them,” Loki repeated. “You cannot imagine how many times I have removed arrowheads or similar things from Thor’s body or my own. I could get these fragments out in a matter of minutes.”

Anthony let his head fall back into the pillows. “With magic.”

“Yes. That would make it possible for you to remove the magnet and the reactor, technically, but I’m unsure if I could… close the hole the casing would leave in your chest.” Loki met Anthony’s eyes. “The healers in Asgard could restore your ribs and lungs without problems, but I would rather not take the risk of trying it myself. I am not that good a healer, I’m afraid.”

Anthony stayed silent for almost a minute, then said, “Humans aren’t allowed in Asgard.”

“No.”

He sighed. “So there’s not really anything you could do. I mean, removing the shrapnel would be sort of useless if we can’t also remove the casing.”

“I’m sorry. I could still soothe your pain, and make it easier for you to breathe. There are many spells I could -”

“No, it’s fine.” Anthony sat up and smiled at Loki, shivering a little when the magic left his body. “Thank you for taking a look, though.”

“Anthony,” Loki said, but didn’t quite know how to continue. The human raised a brow at him, making Loki fidget a bit. “You must know already that you will not… grow very old with the reactor in your chest.”

“Yeah, I know,” Anthony said lightly, still smiling. “I’ll be lucky if I reach fifty. I’ve long made peace with that, though.” He moved closer to kiss Loki, playfully bumping their noses when he pulled back again. “Don’t worry, okay?”

Loki couldn’t speak, so he just nodded.

Anthony was forty-four years old.

 

○

 

Over the pitiful noises Amora’s minions made as they died, Loki hadn’t understood what Rhodes had tried to tell him. He eliminated the last two trolls that tried to come at him with his daggers, then pulled one of his knives out of a troll’s chest when it got stuck there. Rhodes was still cursing at him over the comm.

“I’m listening now,” Loki said, breathing a bit heavily himself. “What -”

“Tony’s down. Get your ass over here, I need your help getting him out of -”

Rhodes stopped when Loki appeared next to him out of thin air. The Colonel was in his suit, standing in the middle of stone and glass and metal, leftovers from the collapsed fa ç ade of a building. It looked like somebody - Loki knew  _ exactly _ who, and he swore that Amora would pay for that - had thrown a truck into it; Loki could see the rear of it sticking out of the ruins. Rhodes was trying to make his way into the building but kept from doing so by the bigger pieces of stone.

“Where is he?” Loki demanded, already hoisting one of those pieces from the ground to get it out of the way. The last remnants of a ceiling above them started to crumble, and Loki pulled up a shield that saved them from being crushed.

“Inside,” Rhodes shouted over the noise of the collapsing walls. “The truck hit him and I think the suit’s down, J’s not answering! We -”

A deafening roar cut him off, making them look up to see the Hulk throwing one of the bigger trolls into the already crumbling wall of the second story. He jumped right after it, and a second later Loki could hear them dismantling the building even more. Loki was sure his heart had stopped beating, and Rhodes cursed and screamed for the Hulk to get the fuck out of there but of  _ course _ that was useless, so Loki clenched his teeth and forced himself to  _ do _ something. 

He barked at Rhodes to stay where he was and teleported into the building, using his magic to shield himself from the stones and tiles falling from the ceiling. He rushed to the truck which had hit another wall inside of the building, his sight blurring when he spotted something red and golden wedged between the driver’s cab and the collapsing wall. Loki squeezed himself into the small gap, too, his feet finding leverage with the help of his magic as he pushed back against the truck, aiming to move it just an inch -

Rhodes shouted something outside of the building when the truck moved and someone else yelped something  _ inside _ of the building, and the empty Iron Man suit fell to the floor to lie there between stone and a million splinters of the broken windshield of the truck. Loki let out a rush of breath he’d been holding, then spun around when he heard someone cough - a very familiar sound among the noises of the world falling apart around him. Loki stumbled away from the broken suit and teleported the last few steps when he saw someone crawling out from under the truck. He fell to his knees next to Anthony and got his hands on him, and a second later they were out of the building and on the street. 

Loki scrambled to get on his knees next to Anthony, ignoring Rhodes’ calls and the Hulk’s roaring. Anthony was wheezing in a way Loki  _ knew _ how to handle, and his magic was inside of the human’s body in an instant, pushing the reactor out of the way until Anthony could breathe again. A few of Anthony’s ribs were broken, Loki knew now, and something inside of him was bleeding and his right leg was  _ shattered _ , all of that Loki could fix, but -

“Lo?” Anthony rasped out, wide eyes finding Loki’s. “Lo -”

“Shh. I’m here. You will be alright, I promise, I just have to -”

“I have a bit of a problem,’ Anthony said. 

He was sickly pale, his face almost grey, and there was dirt and blood in his hair. His undersuit was torn and he was bleeding out of several wounds. But he was still grinning, even while his eyes glazed over with pain. Loki snorted a laugh, not even knowing why, and pulled Anthony’s upper body into his lap. He held on to his human as tightly as he could.

“I know,” he said.

The arc reactor wasn’t glowing anymore.

 

○

 

Loki did it right there, on the street. His hands were trembling, but his magic was steady and knew what it was doing. It pulled the shrapnel out, piece by piece, and did its best to heal the tiny scratch one of the fragments had left where it had reached Anthony’s heart.

Loki stored the shrapnel away in one of his pocket dimensions. He wondered if Anthony would let him keep one or two of them.

 

○

 

“I can't lose you,” Loki said, and Anthony looked at him as though he thought him insane.

He was eating his first meal since the battle, and finished chewing before he said, “You won't lose me, Loki. I'm fine.”

Loki looked at Anthony's leg that was partly put in a plaster cast, odd needles and other pieces of metal sticking out of it in strange places. Loki knew that was how the Midgardians healed injuries, but he still wished he'd invested more time in studying healing magic. The worst thing was that Anthony's ruined leg was Loki's fault; it had been crushed by the truck when Loki had moved it. Anthony had told him that he'd rather have a broken leg than be dead, and he probably would have died if he hadn't managed to get out of the suit and if Loki hadn't found him shortly after.

“This will heal,” Anthony told him and shoveled more soup into his mouth. He was hungry, which struck Loki as a good sign, but he still looked pale and tired. He also kept rubbing his chest with his free hand. Loki doubted that he could feel the difference of the shrapnel being gone, so maybe the remnants of Loki's magic tingled a little, or his broken ribs were bothering him.

“You may never be able to walk properly again,” Loki said.

“The chance of that happening is like fifteen percent, Lokes. And  _ if _ it happens I can come up with some kind of prosthesis.”

“I will ask Thor if I can bring you to Asgard.”

“Nope, you won't.”

“I will.”

“You'd never ask Thor for anything, anyway.”

“Imply again that my pride is more important to me than your wellbeing and I will let you eat only this soup until you're fully recovered.”

Anthony snorted. “Well, this soup's not so bad.”

“I tried it. It's horrible.”

“That doesn't mean much, you're the pickiest eater I know.”

Loki huffed. He was sitting on a chair next to Anthony's bed, his legs drawn up and chin resting on his knees. He'd barely been anywhere else than in this room for days now, and he didn't intend to leave before Anthony could leave with him.

He looked at his lover for a long while, watching him eat.

“There is another possibility,” Loki said then.

Anthony glanced at him. “Okay?”

“Thor will finally be made king in just a few months, and one of the first things he will do is reinstate my status as a prince.”

“Yes,” Anthony said, drawing the syllable out. “I know. And?”

“And then it will be very easy for me to obtain one of Idunn's apples.”

Staring at Loki, Anthony let his spoon sink. He didn't say anything, and after a while Loki started to get nervous.

“Do you know what -”

“I know what Idunn's apples are,” Anthony interrupted. His eyes were wide. “I just. Uh.”

Loki looked away, clenching his jaw. He should have expected this. “You don't want one,’ he said, forcing his tone to be even. “I understand. It was just a thought, anyway, I did not mean to -”

“No,” Anthony cut him off again. “I'm not - not saying no, I just don't really understand what you're offering. One of those apples, it would make me - live for how long, exactly?”

“A few thousand years,” Loki answered carefully. “And it would heal all your injuries, even the hole in your chest.”

“Okay, but - why would you offer something like that? A few  _ thousand years _ , Loki. You can't - you can't possibly want to have me around for -”

“I would gladly spent thousands of years with you, and more,” Loki said firmly. “There is nothing that would make me happier. But this is not about me.”

Anthony gaped at him for another long moment. “What if we - I mean, our relationship, what if it doesn't work out?” he asked then. “We've only been together for a few years, what if it doesn't last?”

“Then I would be glad that you were still a part of the world, even if I were not longer a part of yours.”

Anthony didn't reply, he just stared. After a while, Loki felt compelled to break the silence.

“You do not have to decide this now. Think about it, and know that I will stay at your side as long as you will have me.”

Silence.

“Anthony?”

Anthony blinked. “Two things,”  he said then.

“Yes?”

“I love you.”

Loki smiled. “I love you, too. And?”

“Can I have more soup?”

 

○

 

Anthony hopped on the stool, shifting a little until he was comfortable. Loki could tell that he was nervous.

“You have it, right?”

“Of course,” Loki answered. He pulled the apple out of his pocket dimension and offered it to Anthony, who took it directly out of Loki’s hands without hesitation. It made Loki smile, and as Anthony turned the apple in his hands, examining it, Loki couldn't resist leaning in to kiss his lover's temple.

“Will it hurt?” Anthony asked, but he didn't sound particularly worried.

“A little, maybe,” Loki admitted. “But the apple works quickly and I will assist with my magic. It will be over in a matter of seconds.”

“Okay,” Anthony said, then laughed. “I can't believe I'm doing this.” Before Loki could even frown at that, the human lifted the apple to his lips and took the first bite. He hummed and nodded as he chewed, his eyes widening a bit. “This tastes  _ really _ good.”

Loki couldn't speak, he just watched and held his breath. Anthony ate the whole fruit, core and all. The sweet scent filled the air, and Loki would blame his slight dizziness on that.

“I don't feel any different,” Anthony said when the apple was gone, licking a few droplets of juice off his fingers.

“It might take a few seconds.” Loki watched his lover closely, and he saw it the second Anthony noticed a change. He looked stunned.

“My leg's not hurting anymore.”

Loki let out a relieved breath and smiled. His anxiety was starting to make room for giddiness. “Good. We should -”

“Yes, right.” 

Anthony stripped off his shirt, and Loki rolled up his sleeves. He caught Anthony's gaze and held it, then waited for a nod before he took hold of the broken reactor in Anthony's chest, turned it, and pulled it out. The casing followed just seconds later and Loki let his magic fill the wound. He could feel the power of the apple flooding Anthony's veins, and judging by the soon-not-anymore human's gasp, Anthony felt it too.

“This is really weird,” he said, panting, and Loki decided to distract him with a kiss.

He'd been right, it was over in a few seconds. Anthony pulled away, hands coming up to touch his renewed chest, while Loki kissed the corner of his mouth, his jaw, his cheek.

“Holy shit,” Anthony whispered, and Loki chuckled.

“I love you,” he said. A few rapid nods were the only answer Anthony managed, but Loki was more than content with that for the moment.

He watched and listened as Anthony took his first unhindered breath in almost ten years.

  
  



End file.
